My alarm goes off at 7:00 this morning.
Me: I have to get up and write.
Langston: I have to get up and be within three feet of you.
With the Scorpio moon making up part of a grand trine in water today, we all have a chance to see who or what has been our Giving Tree.
My brother and sister-in-law have taken Lyndon for four nights to Camp Alexandro. Every summer I worry about child care as I try to patch together camps to fill Lyndon’s time and keep him safe while we’re at work. I’ve become super protective, after that one summer of Explorer Day Camp which promised friends and independence: Your child chooses his own activities! Lyndon only told me the following year that the friends he made on his first day told him the second day, “You can’t sit with us. You’re not our friend.” He spent the rest of the summer sitting by himself and choosing the experiences no one else wanted. He wasn’t being curious or philosophical when he went to Jewish Studies every day. He just didn’t to have another fight.
It’s five years later and Lyndon’s stronger and more self-assured now, but I’m Italian and have an Aries moon: Lyndon will never go back to that camp again.
Now he goes to camp at my job for three weeks, and the other five weeks somehow get taken care of by family and friends. Seeing who will show up to help with Lyndon is a major trust exercise for me. But they always do. Mom drives to my job most mornings to do the switch: Sunny and sweet, singing “Good Moooooorning” in a silly operatic voice. Lyndon climbs into her car carrying all the electronics a ten-year old needs to have a perfect day. Later my Dad will entice him into a game of cards or some Brooklyn street game that only requires a ball and a stoop or a sidewalk.
We all worry about someone or something. I worry about Lyndon and I worry about writing. I feel responsible and want to do my best. I imagine I have to handle both things alone or they just won’t happen, and it’s true that I have to handle them, but not usually alone. I have so much support.
Langston made the coffee. As promised, he’s three feet away from me as I type this at the dining room table. And I imagine that Lyndon is happy and safe, playing with his cousins on the grass or in the living room at Dave’s house. This moment doesn’t feel hard and I’m just so grateful.
Something or someone supports you in what feels hard or necessary, giving generously and supporting you with creative solutions you couldn’t dream up yourself. Try to see and savor them today, while you take time to feel happy and safe.
(Moon trine Sun in Cancer 12:45 p.m. EDT. Moon trine Neptune in Pisces 5:15 p.m.)
The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. Artwork by Richard Sherman. https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=4924961