Venus Retrograde: Recreating Art, Finding Peace

I've been interviewing for jobs during the last two months. A horrible situation anyway, but compounded during Venus Retrograde. During retrograde periods -- when planets appear to move backwards from our position on Earth -- our normal way of doing things doesn't usually work. We're called to be more reflective and intuitive.

This is an inconvenient time for Venus to be retrograde, since we still owe the IRS thousands of dollars. Venus in general rules money, and in my birthchart Venus sits in the 10th House of Career and Gift to the Community. It's time for me to step up and help financially, and yet I've had no luck whatsoever attracting money, finding a career, or fulfilling my gift to the community lately. This isn't for lack of effort. I'm a go-getter. I've sent out almost 100 resumes because I don't know any other way to be. I'm strong-willed and decisive. We need money, Lyndon's old enough for me to fly the coop, and I also feel the need for some outside recognition these days.

But just because I'm ready doesn't mean the universe is ready.

Having to face interviews after almost nine years of being a Stay-at-Home Mom is humbling and utterly demoralizing. Part of me feels compassion for these employers: At this point I'm overeducated but also unproven. My last full-time job was in 2000-freaking-7. If I were the Hiring Manager I'd probably go with the person who worked in say, 2011 even. And so I've sunken into a funk of despair and self-doubt. Venus brings us peace, and since she's been retrograde it's been very hard to feel soothed or settled. I've been an emotional wreck. What exactly have I been doing for the last 8+ years?!!

Thankfully, even in the darkest moments, Astrology, like any spiritual practice, can offer a remedy. Any planet's retrograde period is the ideal period for the re-do: Revisiting that planet's themes and archetypes. And since Venus also rules art, I decided to recreate a series of photographs I took almost seven years ago: Lyndon's first trip to the Barbershop.

It took some courage returning to the scene of that first haircut. The barber wasn't happy with me then. He told me I should be comforting Lyndon instead of taking pictures. What the barber didn't know was that Lyndon cried basically all the time for the first five years of his life: During his sleep, whenever he wasn't being held, sometimes even in the middle of eating. This was understandably incredibly uncomfortable for other people. The babysitter panicked. His first two teachers berated both of us. But this was the boy who came to me on February 8, 2007. Lyndon had a lot of tears to shed.

Lyndon was born terrified, and helping him learn to trust us and life has been an uphill battle. It's also been a pleasure. But it hasn't been easy. It took a lot of patience, commitment, creative thinking and flexibility. When I tell interviewers that I have these qualities, I see a pleasant, not-really-believing "Isn't that nice?" wash over their faces. But when I see the Before and After photos of Lyndon at the Barber -- Lyndon learning to be patient, brave, and slightly confident -- I realize I haven't wasted these years. I'm glad I went back with my camera. Through the photos I can see the impact and value of that time, labor and love. The little guy has come a long way.

Still, Lyndon's nervous about the prospect of my working outside the home. I thank him for being honest. I reassure him that I'll still have plenty of time with him. And now that he's older and can really see outside his own perspective, I tell him that finding a career is actually something I want for myself. He nods and says he understands. The Barber might not like that kind of talk. I get the feeling he likes the more traditional gender roles. But a sensitive little boy somehow found his way to a Feisty and Independent Momma, and together we're learning to accept and express our gifts.

I hope the money will come. I hope I have a gift to share with the larger community. But in the meantime, as challenging as this period has been, I appreciate the chance to look back on Venus, the planet of love and relationships, from this spot on Earth. I can see that I've helped lead and empower a little boy who is a wonderful human being. And for tonight, even if it doesn't pay the bills, that's enough to soothe me.