Total Eclipse of the Sun

Is anyone else feeling burned-out? 

I didn’t share what I wrote yesterday. I couldn’t tell if it made any sense. My head pounded. My throat hurt. I was pushing myself too hard. I closed my laptop and went dark for a day. 

Today there will be a New Moon and total solar eclipse in Leo at 2:30 p.m. EDT. Every New Moon is a chance for a mysterious new beginning. The symbol of healing, imagination and regeneration goes dark, and we go forward in trust until it gets brighter and clearer. But today’s New Moon will also block the sun. Woah. Symbolically, that could be pretty scary. 

Can it also be comforting? 

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Who Made it Safe to be Different? The Aquarius Moon

I wrote for an hour this morning and saved the entry, or thought I did….

Today's Aquarius moon challenges us to have a sense of humor about ourselves. It challenges us to reinvent ourselves. Can I let go of what I created this morning, knowing that it already served its purpose? Can I be open to a change in direction?

The moon or great mother combines with the Aquarian south node, which can make us edgy or defensive. Will we act out past wounds of being outed or ostracized, not seen or understood? We might. Are we sick and tired of this crap? We may be. And that's OK.

But there's also another option. Today we can remember the people or groups from our past that did accept us: the ones who let us in, who showed us a different way and became family for us, even for a moment.

My parents let me be a roamer when I was a kid. I loved the freedom and space. My friends' families took me on adventures and showed me new ways of being: different foods, family structures, pastimes, routines. Today I'm shocked by how generous they were to include me. I have trouble keeping track of just my kid. But so many adults made room for me in their station wagons, their pools, at their dining room tables. Were they as stretched thin and exhausted as I am now? When my friends awkwardly asked their parents in front of me whether I could stay another night, join them at the beach, or otherwise encroach on their plans, what made them say, "Sure"?

Think of the unlikely people or groups that played the Great Mother to you in your life. Whose differentness comforted you, fed your imagination and happiness, helped you feel safe? Did the individuality of your own parents or family help shape who you are today? Who made you believe that you belonged? Who made it OK to be you?

Try to honor them today. Pay it forward today by doing something radically loving yourself. Give space or understanding to someone you care about or make space for someone who's different.

And if you have a setback today, too, try to trust. There may be something else you need to see or say.

I'm Mad as Hell and I'm Not Gonna Take it Anymore

Right before I woke up this morning, as the moon was crossing the Aquarius south node, I had a dream that I was heading to stand in line at a store. Two other women were coming from different directions, but I got there first. They were friends. They started talking about me and decided to cut in front of me, because they thought they should be there instead. They were younger. I don’t know if that’s important but I noticed it. For a moment I thought maybe they should be first. Maybe I did cut them. But then I thought, Screw this. And I cut them right back. They both started telling me off and I erupted. “LISTEN, I DON’T CARE WHAT YOUR INTENTIONS WERE. WE WERE BOTH HEADING HERE AND I HUSTLED. I GOT HERE FIRST. SO I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOUR SHIT.” They were stunned. They stayed quiet. I turned back around and wondered if I had overdone it. Then my alarm rang and I woke up.

I didn’t realize I was so angry, or given to using sports phrasing in my dreams. “I hustled”?

The last hours of the Aquarius moon give us a chance to erupt if we need to. We all have some wound of being the outsider, of being overlooked, of being overpowered. And we’re probably more angry about it than we realize. 

If we can bring some of that emotion to the surface intentionally and claim some of our power back, we can avoid displacing our anger. And we can avoid some of the lower possibilities of the upcoming Pisces moon: Feeling like a martyr, or just drifting or escaping into something that doesn’t actually spiritually feed us.

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Leo and Aquarius: The North and South Nodes

From April 28th of this year until November 15, 2018 we’re all being asked to integrate the north node of Leo into the south node of Aquarius. The last time the nodes were in these positions was September 17, 1998 to April 5, 2000.

How have you had to dissociate because of a shock? In that time period years ago did you eventually learn to find joy, dignity, trust, spontaneity in the face of unimaginable trauma? What about now? Is there something that has sent you into a state of shell-shock? Is there a part of you that needs to recover and seeks to be shared now? Have you been stuck as an outsider in some way and now do you want or need to be seen?

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